The words “marriage” and “purity” could elicit a range of responses from us now. These are topics that are often brought up and discussed in our world today. What then, does the Bible say? How does that align with or challenge our understanding?
This is what we will focus on in this section of the Sermon on the Mount, and we will see how God’s plan has been to redeem us through marriage.
(A) God’s design of sex and marriage leads to flourishing (Matt 5:27)
As we begin this section of the sermon, in Matthew 5:27, Jesus is quoting from the 10 Commandments, in Exodus 20:14. Before God gave His people the commands, God reminds them of of His redemption (Exo 20:1-2), which includes His blessing (Exo 3:21-22), the chief of which is a new identity and inclusion in His kingdom (Exo 19:6). The best of the blessing He gives them is something that transforms them inside out.
Just like how God spoke with authority in Exodus, Jesus also speaks with similar authority in Matthew 5. In Matthew 5:2-11, Jesus explains by pronouncing blessings, the first of which is inclusion in His kingdom for the poor in spirit. Jesus pronounces their new identity as salt and light (Matt 5:13a-14a).
To understand Jesus’ words here, we need to understand God’s design and desire for mankind. Genesis 1:20-22 details God creating and filling the world with animals. We may be familiar with these verses but do not miss out one thing — the point of the creation account is to tell us about the Creator of all creation. We are also meant to ask ourselves, what sort of a God is this? Who is this God? What is He like? This is a God who delights in His world. He is not just coming in clinically. Neither is He trying to tamper everyone’s experience. This is a God of great delight. He loves the world and seeks to bless it!
It doesn’t stop there. Genesis 1:27-31 show us that humans were created differently from the rest of creation in that they were made to image God in this world. God created male and female who are alike in some ways, but different in others, and both meant to image God. And at the end, God pronounces it as “very good” (Gen 1:31). We were created with gendered differences to image something profound and good of God.
God blessed man and woman, and told them to be fruitful and multiply. Genesis 2 gives us more information about how God intended for this to happen. The next chapter might seem like a repetition when we first read it. But let us spend some time unpacking it and in doing so, seek to understand God’s design.
When reading Genesis 2:18-25, we can make a few observations. Firstly, we see that man alone is not enough for the great task and blessing that God has set in place for this world. God states it explicitly in Genesis 2:18 — it is not good that he is alone, and he needs a helper fit for him. He needs one who is able to make up for all of his lack. This is one who is unlike him, but also somehow like him. Genesis 2:19-20 is meant to help us see that there is nothing in creation that is suitable for Adam!
Next, Genesis 2:23 breaks out into poetry, and it is an outpouring of the heart and emotions. The first poem in the Bible records great joy because finally, Adam found one suitable for him.
As we examined these verses in Genesis, we see that God has every right to care about marriage because He made marriage. He made marriage good and for our blessing and flourishing. Elsewhere in Malachi 2:14, we see the use of covenantal language to describe this relationship.
But what is a covenant? Why is marriage a covenant? A covenant is more than a contract and it is an identity-defining relationship. Tim Keller, in the book “The Meaning of Marriage” writes, “What, then, is a covenant? … It is a relationship far more intimate and personal than a merely legal, business relationship. Yet at the same time, it is far more durable, binding, and unconditional than one based on mere feeling and affection. A covenant relationship is a stunning blend of law and love.”
This definition of marriage (and love) might be different from what we think. Many of us assume that love is spontaneous and free-spirited, and it should not be bound by rules. We might also think that if we love someone, we don’t need the law.
The Biblical perspective is different. Keller goes one to make the case that this blending of law and love fits our deepest instincts. Lovers are always tempted to make a promise of future love. There is this gravitation to future love. Real love, the Bible tells us, instinctively desires permanence.
And when we think about what it means when we say that we bind ourselves to another, it is exactly what is written about in Genesis 2:24. This one flesh union does not mean that we are absorbed into one another. Rather, it is saying that in this mutual self-giving relationship, bound within the confines of this promise, a new person emerges. The point of this mutual self-giving is that it will last.
The Presbyterian Book of Common Worship states that God has established marriage for the welfare of humankind. This challenges our view where we limit it to romance, or personal self-fulfilment.
Genesis 1 shows us that God designed for it to last in a mutual, self-giving way and is preserved by covenantal faithfulness. This is meant for us to see that it is good. Whatever your experience with it has been so far, see that it is something we are meant to delight in. God created it to be good. Rightly understood, it is something that flourishes us.
With this backdrop of marriage, what is adultery?
(B) Godly desires of longing find expression in marriage (Matt 5:28-30)
Adultery is the transgression of a marital relationship and here in Matthew 5:28, Jesus states that “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart”. This might surprise us. After all, it is not hard for us to do this — a second glance, a scroll, Even doing this in the heart breaks God’s good intent for our flourishing. And it is so severe, it leads to hell.
This pattern of “I see, I desire, I take” is the same heart in the Edenic sin (c.f. Get 3:6). In these moments, we are saying that our ways are better than God’s and our design is better than His! Our preferences are also more important than His holiness.
We must also not underestimate the strong pull that these desires have one our hearts. James 1:14-15 tells us that we are lured by our desires. This a stark image and challenges us to take these things seriously in a world that trivialises it.
But in the church, sexual desire is spoken of not only with severity, but also with shame. The world often tells us that if our desires are so strong, and if marriage is so precious, why not test it before committing? Or make sure we are completely compatible?
In some sense, the world isn’t wrong. We shouldn’t approach it with shame. The Song of Solomon shows us what the Bible teaches us about desire. In Song of Solomon 5:10-16, 7:1-9, these verses expresses sexual desire in such descriptive and evocative terms, and it might surprise us or make us feel shy.
Jesus has such strong words in Matthew 5 not because the desires are wrong, but God, being the one who designed sex and marriage has pronounced it good. Christians should be those that see it’s value and also have a vision of far-sighted glory for this relational and sexual intimacy.
Interspersed in this book is a repetition of this warning — “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (c.f. SoS 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). Yet in Song of Solomon 8:5, we see that this love has been awakened in marriage.
Why must this love be protected and rightly expressed? Song of Solomon 8:6-7 shows us how it is a love as strong as death, with a jealousy that is appropriate for that which belongs to you. It is shown in a relationship where you are known and are being known.
Thus, this love is serious because we bear His image. Image bearers are so precious, thus we have to guard these moments of deep intimacy. Therefore, God grants us marriage to express these desires in the security of marriage.
How have you allowed the lies of our culture to shape your thoughts and actions? What are the ways you have allowed for lustful intent to form? Think about what that does to another person, who was designed to be an image bearer of God, now reduced to a tool to help us fulfil a desire or scratch an itch?
No one wakes up as an adulterer, but is a result of many instances of seeing, desiring and then taking. The late David Powlinson wrote,
“The bold-print sins point in the direction of the fine-print versions of the same sins. Many varieties of flirtation, self-display, foreplay, and entertainment don’t necessarily “go all the way” to orgasm: dressing to attract and tease the lust of others, looking voyeuristically, suggestive remarks, crude humor, erotic kissing, petting, and the like. All these actions suggest an intention toward immoral sexual intercourse, whether the intention is consummated or not. Such behaviors (whether occurring in daily life or portrayed on film or page) cross the line of love. Whether or not our cultural context views such things as acceptable, or even as entertaining, they are evils. Love considers the true welfare of others in “the eyes of Him with whom we have to do” (Hebrews 4:13, NASB).
Jesus Christ will come even to those who have pursued unholy pleasures. He who hates the gamut of perversities listed in previous paragraphs is not ashamed to love sinners. He does not weary in the task of rewiring sexuality into a servant of love. He is not only willing to forgive those who turn and repent; he takes the initiative to forgive, and to turn us, and to give us countless reasons to turn. He says, “You need mercy and help in your time of need. Come to me. Turn from evils, and turn to mercies that are new every morning. Flee what is wrong. Seek help. Everyone who seeks finds. Fight with yourself. Don’t justify things that God names as evil. Don’t despair when you find evils within yourself. The only unforgivable sin is the impenitence that justifies sin and opposes the purifying mercies of God. Come to me, and I will begin to teach you how to love.”
There is no worship of our desires, and giving in to our affections without first abandoning our worship of God. Our longings today will shape our living in profound ways. How then shall we live? How are we able to do so?
(C) God’s jealous desire redeems and refines us through Marriage (Matt 5:29-30)
What is the antidote to our impurity? In Ephesians 5:3, the apostle Paul writes to the Ephesian church and tells them that there is to be no “sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not be named among you”. He goes on to say that there should be no filthiness, foolish talk nor crude joking (Eph 5:4a). What should be in place then? We might expect Paul to encourage them to be holy. Rather, he writes, “let there be thanksgiving” (Eph 5:4b).
Is thanksgiving in your arsenal to fight? Why thanksgiving? It reminds us of the God of grace. When we are reminded of and reckon with the God of grace, we are reminded that God created all things and He instituted marriage. We designed nothing!
What grounds do you have to thank God? Marriage is the grounds for thanksgiving, hence all of us, whether we are married or not, should care about marriage and pray for marriages.
Ephesians 5:29-32 goes on to teach us that marriage points us to something more than our relationship: it is about Christ and the church. Marriage is to point to the great love and redemption in Christ that will never pass away. This is why all of us need it — to see it, be reminded of it and to know the Christ of perfect glory, who for our sake, took on our sin and that we in Him might be the righteousness of God.
Two, becoming one flesh, in this mutual self-giving relationship, is how we are reminded of this love. And it only flourishes in a climate of repentance and faith, with a contrite heart and a poorness in spirit written of in the first Beatitude in Matthew 5:3.
In Matthew 5:29:30, Jesus’ answer seems to be harsh, but we know that it is not meant to be taken literally, for Jesus points out that it is a heart issue. Rather, we are to take this call to holiness seriously.
To understand Jesus’ words, we need to remember that God’s jealousy is a perfect, holy jealousy and it has serious implications for us. In James 4:1-7, we are to see that there is no space for sin in our life, and to be at peace with this world, with all its sexual proclivities. God is a jealous God and His jealousy refines us. He’s loves us enough to accept us just as we are, but loves us too much to leave us just as we are. Resolve today, in your heart, to have no dealings with the world.
It also means that God is more dedicated than us to refining us! This is the God who calls us to Him and promises that He will not cast us out. He promises eternal life and that no one nor anything can snatch us out of His hands! These words are meant for us to direct our gaze and wandering hearts to Him. These promises are meant to help us to think about who He is. Only then are we able to preserve the marriage union.
The Bible doesn’t only begin with marriage, but it also ends with marriage. The late Timothy Keller, on reading Revelation 19-21, writes:
“The echoes of Genesis 2 are unmistakable. Again, we see God bringing a bride to her husband, only this time the husband is Jesus and we are the bride. In that first marriage, Adam failed to step in and help his wife when she needed him. But at the end of time there will be another wedding, the wedding supper of the Lamb, and its purpose is also to fill the world with children of God. It will succeed where the first marriage failed because, while the first husband in history failed, the Second Husband did not. The true Adam, Jesus Christ, will never fail his spouse, the Second Eve, his church.”
There will come a day when Christ will beam at His Bride, the church. Again, Timothy Keller writes,
”Is the Bible really saying that Jesus finds us beautiful like that? That we will have that kind of love from the Lord of the universe? Yes. This is what it means to be “in Christ,” what it means to belong to him. Of course, we can only partially comprehend this intellectually and experientially. … As we rejoice in the spousal love of Jesus we will be changed. Fears, jealousies, resentments, boredom, disillusionments, loneliness — all the things that darken our lives — will diminish. And only if you look beyond the end of your earthly marriage to your union with Christ will you love your husband or wife well.”
Because of the jealous, redeeming, refining love of God, the beauty that He will put on you on that day will outshine the best of weddings in this present time. This is our true hope and joy, regardless of whether we are married or single in this life.