Relationships fill up so much of our life and energy. But as Christians, how does our faith change our relationships? How does our faith affect how we think about dating, marriage and our singleness?
If you’ve grown up in Christian circles, you’ve probably heard the phrase “don’t be unequally yoked”. The idea of a yoke is agricultural language which we may be unfamiliar with. At the same time, the principle behind it, sometimes reduced to “only date Christians” can sound jarring and even rude.
In this study, we want to understand what it means to be unequally yoked in our relationships, and on the other hand, why it is important to be equally yoked. We want to begin by exploring what it means to be a faithful Christian as this is an important foundation and principle to establish before we go on.
(A) Faithful Living: Faultless, steadfast, fruitful, truthful and righteous, joyous and rich (2 Cor 6:1-14)
Paul began 2 Corinthians 6 with a specific appeal, that they not receive the grace of God in vain (2 Cor 6:1-2). This flows rom the arguments in the previous verses, which has already established how they have been reconciled to Christ and so here, he is encouraging them not to waste it (2 Cor 5:17-21). Their identity has already changed (2 Cor 5:17) and they also have a new purpose as ambassadors for Christ (2 Cor 5:20).
They have received this word and reconciliation with God, but their lives have not changed. Thus, something is not right. They are not responding in the way they should! Those in Christ are new creation; so why do they look like old creation. The gospel message in 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 sets them apart. They now have new beliefs and a new value system. This presupposes that they are Christians. Christians are to live in a certain way. And on the other hand, if they were not Christians, they are not expected to live this way. All of this hangs on the assumption that they are believers. Paul seems to be calling them to respond in a particular way, and to do so now. There is a sense of urgency in these verses too.
This passage certainly calls us to examine our hearts and lives if we are believers. How we represent God matters, and the world is watching. If you are not a believer, we hope you hear this — if we believe in Jesus’ life and death, we are called to something different. It is not a matter of self-righteousness, or that we are better than others. It is a matter of obedience that flows from faith.
In 2 Corinthians 6:3-13, Paul unpacks and gives us a clear picture of what faithful Christian living looks like. As ministers of the gospel, Paul writes that they “put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry” (2 Cor 6:3). They were faultless, above reproach and consciously thinking about how not to stumble others As Christians, we are careful in our ministry so that we are faultless and not stumble anyone. What will it look like for you to be without fault at home, at work? And not only to be faultless, but to also be consciously thinking about how not to stumble others? We need to be above reproach and not be shady or slimy. There should be nothing remotely close to allow people to question us. Are there ways we put fault in people’s way? Are we wise about how we conduct our ministry or are we foolish? Do we think about how our words and actions are received by others around us?
He goes on to write in 2 Corinthians 6:4-5, “but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, [5] beatings, imprisonments, riots, labours, sleepless nights, hunger”. Paul is steadfast and is an enduring servant of God, even through suffering.
These might be foreign to us or we are not persecuted in this way. But what if we ask ourselves: what does your Christian life look like? Is it nice and comfortable? Do you not face any pushback for what you believe? Is it very cushy? If that describes your faith and Christian life, perhaps you are not living out your faith. After all, it is not hard to offend or say something controversial today. If your Christian life looks self-sufficient and insular and you face no hardship/heartbreak, do people know what you believe and stand for? Do people even know that you are a Christian? Are you evangelising and sharing with non-believers? Are you making an effort to love and care for the weak and even the people that are difficult?
If your Christian life does not cost you anything, perhaps you have received God’s grace in vain.
Fruitfulness is how we are known as Christians. It is marked by a changed heart, changed desires and changed lives — “by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love” (2 Cor 6:6). Their speech will also change (2 Cor 6:7). Is there real spiritual fruit that has come about from receiving God’s grace? Has your life and behaviour changed in these ways? Can others observe these changes? Are you patient with frustrating people? Are you kind to the unkind?
2 Corinthians 6:8-10 seems to present us a string of paradoxes. Paul is describing his life — simultaneously dying and also full of life. They were treated as impostors, yet they are truth! They are unknown by the people yet they are well known by God as reconciled by God. They are dying and suffering, but yet, they have fullness of Christ with God. His heart, though sorrowful, yet always rejoicing! He has nothing to his name and constantly in jail, yet this treasure is of eternal value, and he is a steward of this precious treasure. He has everything that he needs in Christ.
The Christian life is toilsome yet rewarding. It is suffering yet full of joy. This is what we are called to as Christians. It is nothing fancy but it is the life of one who is a new creation.
This is what faithful living as a Chrsitain looks like — aultless, steadfast, fruitful, truthful and righteous, joyous and rich. Yet, so often we get caught up with the busyness of our lives and we lose sight of these things. We do not live the way Paul writes. Paul’s challenge to us today is to not receive God’s grace in vain. Live in this way that He may be glorified.
(B) Faithful Relationships: Equally yoked, holy and set apart (2 Cor 6:14-18)
With the preceding verses as the background and context, Paul writes about what faithful living looks like in the context of relationships (2 Cor 6:14-16a). Paul tells them not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. The idea is, believers are fundamentally incompatible with unbelievers. We have different belief systems and faith, and where we came from and where we are headed are different.
Paul has a series of rhetorical questions, where he contrasts things that are different — righteousness and lawlessness, light with darkness, Christ and Belial, believer and unbeliever, temple of God and idols (2 Cor 6:14-16). He writes that these are mutually exclusive.
Now, Paul is not saying that Christians should not have unbelieving friends. His entire ministry and life was built on reaching unbelievers. But what is his reasoning? As believers, we cannot and must not allow the ways and narratives of this world to influence us. We have no partnership and accord with this world. Our values and believes are different from the world’s, and there’s no place for the world’s values in the believer’s heart.
Are there ways that we have let the world into our heart? Have we allowed the ways of the world to creep in? We all like to believe that we can remain steadfast in the fast of ungodly things. But Paul is more realistic. And we must take seriously the words of Scripture.
If we apply this to the topic at hand, about our relationships, how do we approach dating in a godly way? How do we live out our faith in this area? Unfortunately, far too often, we do not guard our hearts in this way and we flirt with the idea that we can control our desires and our hearts.
Take Paul’s words to heart: there is no place for the world in the hearts of believers.
What is the chief goal of living in such a way? The chief goal is that God will be our God and we can be His people (2 Cor 6:16b). Therefore, the argument goes, they should have nothing to do with anything that weighs them down, for being weighed down is the problem with being unequally yoked.
Notice that Paul is not saying that there will be a better outcome if they live in this way. It’s not about compatibility or a perfect match. Rather, he is saying that they get God Himself if they live in this way! The idea of “God with us” is not just God dropping by for a visit (c.f. 2 Cor 6:16). He means to dwell with us forever and this is why how we live matters. God is the reason why we want to live distinctly different form the world. We want to be holy and set apart.
Is this your goal? If we pause and take a step back, we see that this is about so much more than who you date. It is about your salvation and holiness. It is about God dwelling in you and with you. Who do you worship? This is the real question behind our consideration about who we date. Worship God first. He is the greatest Treasure. This is what we mean when we say that God is the centre of our relationships. And God is the reason why we pursue faithful relationships where we are equally yoked, holy and set apart.
What do you value? What is of utmost worth? It is not about compatibility or pragmatism! What do we look for in our relationships? Do we actually chase idols? Do we neglect and not treasure God’s grace? We spend so much time chasing relationships and we need to come back and consider: do we treasure the things of utmost importance?
(C) Faithful Love: Committed, powerful, divine, unquenchable, priceless, in community (SoS 8:6-9)
We move to an Old Testament book, Song of Solomon, in this next part of our study. This book might make us uncomfortable and may even surprise us, but it is a part of the Bible and God’s Word. We are meant to see and learn about godly love and sexuality.
In Song of Solomon 8:6-7, we get a picture of biblical love. Solomon describes love as something that is committed (“seal”, Song of Solomon 8:6) and strong. He compares love to death which might be strange. But death is certain, immovable and inescapable. This is the kind of love that he is talking about here, which may not be what we think about immediately. This is a love that comes from God (Song of Solomon 8:6) and given by God. It is strong, powerful and divine — like flashes of fire. It is also dangerous. This love is unquenchable, stronger than any flood (Song of Solomon 8:7a). It is priceless (Song of Solomon 8:7b). Money can’t buy this kind of love from God.
Song of Solomon 8:8-9 speaks about chastity. The chorus (a family) speaks of the sister that is not mature yet. The wall and the door are contrasted, and refers to chastity. Biblical love culminates in sexual purity and it is a precious thing to be guarded and celebrated.
These verses provide a biblical model for love, a love that is faithful love is divine, unquenchable and priceless. As young adults, this calls us to guard our hearts. How is the definition of love laid out in Song of Solomon different from what the world says about love? How has this challenged your understanding of love and relationships?
What has God’s word been saying to you today? Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 6 forces us to consider what is important to us and what we worship. What does it mean to be a Christian and love God, to worship Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength? The most important thing for us at any point of our life is to remember who God is and His grace for us. What are some ways you have “received the grace of God in vain”? What would it look like for you to live out your faith in the specific context of relationships, romantic or not? What would it look like to pursue holiness in your relationships?