We continue our series on love and relationships. Today, we examine what the Bible says about being singles and marrieds. 1 Corinthians 7 falls into two sections each with an underlying argument. Our text may read like a tree with many extending branches with their own twists and turns, and we could be end up focusing on the branches not the tree. Hence let us prayerfully seek God’s help to understand.
(A) Always Jesus First: Singles and Marrieds Alike (1 Cor 7:1-16,32-40)
Paul undertakes an answer to a key question in his first few verses (1 Cor 7:1-5). Notably, there seems to be uncertainty how believers ought to live in these last days after the Lord Jesus completed His earthly ministry. Paul’s readers wondered if they should continue to marry and get on with life, or do away with earthly relations in view of His imminent return. They asked if abstinence was preferable in light of this. Paul responds to this key statement: “it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (1 Cor 7:1). He has in mind their asceticism — refraining from worldly relations entirely. In other words, asceticism will not improve your walk with God.
Paul’s answer in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 is rightly countercultural in how it reframes gender roles. No ancient society spoke of marriage in equitable terms between men and women. Husbands had rights in marriage, but women were not guaranteed it. But Paul repeatedly uses the word “likewise” to show how both men and the women had rights before God, even conjugal rights over the other person’s body as they have covenanted together. Marriage is thus an institution of two holy persons made in the image of God, coming together under a covenant before Him.
Paul goes on to argue that marriage is not just for procreation and pleasure. Instead, it is also given for partnership and protection from sexual immorality. Paul’s principal teaching to marrieds here is: among other things, marriage is a gift given to keep sinners from ruining themselves in sexual immortality (1 Cor 7:2, 5) as their bodies and conjugal rights are given for mutual possession (1 Cor 7:3-4). Sex, always mutually given, should not be held back from one another (1 Cor 7:5) except by mutual agreement for temporary prayerful fasting (1 Cor 7:5) but only for a brief season – again his concern here is sexual purity and holiness. Paul uses the same surprising argument to the singles in 1 Corinthians 7:8 and to the betrothed in 1 Corinthians 7:36 for them to pursue marriage. He instructs to consider marriage so that their sexual desires find appropriate expression instead of teaching them to exercise self-control or suppress their desire.
So we see marriage as a blessing from God and even a means of grace – it is the natural, normal vessel for sexual relations, mutual self-giving and intimacy so that we will not fall in temptation. We should not be ascetics or be ashamed of our sexual desires, but recognize where they are to be rightly fulfilled. That’s why God’s good design for gender and marriage must be upheld and cherished because it is fundamentally good for the Christian.
This teaching is not unique to Paul. It echoes Genesis 2 in which we see God saying it is not good for the man to be alone. Paul simply stands in that tradition and continues to affirm a high view of marriage. He also warns us that a lower view of marriage overlooks the importance of marriage’s role in guarding us from sexual immorality and could leave us vulnerable to temptation.
Turning to those unmarried, Paul states that singleness, as he knows, is a concession (1 Cor 7:6-9). According to 1 Corinthians 7:7, one person has the gift in the form of a marriage, and another person has the gift in the form of singlehood. How is it a gift? Paul lists out some advantages of singleness: being free from anxieties and able to focus on pleasing the Lord (1 Cor 7:32-35); free from worrying about a spouse and how to grow, invest in and sustain that relationship (1 Cor 7:33-34).
But lest we think that singlehood is another default alternative for everyone, Paul introduces two qualifiers to think about: first, 1 Corinthians 7:32 tells us that the unmarried Christian man should be anxious about the things of the Lord and how to please Him. This is how Paul thinks about the gift of singlehood - not as a description of one’s relationship status. One may be single for a season, but that does not mean that one has received that gift for all time. The gift of singlehood should be understood as an opportunity for devotion. Those of us who consider ourselves having received this gift should consider how we can offer undivided devotion to God. This is the first qualifier that Paul states regarding to singlehood.
The second qualifier is sexual self-control (1 Cor 7:9). Paul reasons that if a single person cannot control themselves, marriage is envisioned as God’s provision for the believer. God’s design for our sexual desire is to pursue marriage.
So what have we seen? Recall that at the start of this chapter we began with Paul trying to address a question about how they ought to live in light of Jesus’ ascension. He goes on to address the different groups — singles and marrieds with asceticism (denying themselves sexual fulfilment and other pleasures). In this context, Paul’s overriding concern is for their purity. He is concerned about a purity that facilitates undivided devotion and unrestrained love relationship with the Lord. This holiness flows from the individual knowing his body and soul and everything about him is for the Lord and is to be offered to Him and not to sexual impurity. Paul wants these believers to have no obstacle in their relationship with God. This should be ours as well. Asceticism will not make us more holy. Rather a God-centered expression of sex in marriage, or the gift of singlehood in undivided devotion will. Are we concerned for our own holiness before God? This is an important theme for us to see if we are to understand Paul’s words to more specific groups.
Moreover, notice how Paul presents his teaching – he implies that the church is made up of different groups of people together. In the church — singles, betrothed, marrieds and widows — are segmented but not segregated or separated. Each group has to listen to the needs and qualifiers for each other with empathy, understanding and care. This is what it means to be a part of the church, and why Paul writes as he does.
Is purity and holiness before the Lord your chief concern, even before finding the perfect spouse and mate for marriage? Are we gripped by this holy desire to be pure before the Lord? As Jesus taught us in Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” If we are not pure, how will it corrupt our relationship with God? How will it affect how we see Him? Paul is also concerned about how we live out purity together as a congregation — to pray and bear each others’ burdens. As we consider this, remember also that Paul’s pattern of teaching was to have the apostolic letters read from congregation to congregation, and then to have these Scriptures circulated to other churches so that no one church’s teaching was so contextualised that it did not apply to another (Col 4:16). And so it is with us, that these words to the Corinthians and concern for holiness should also be chief on our agenda.
With that as the overarching frame, Paul turns to specific groups of individuals beginning first with believers married to unbelievers. Some may find the language of 1 Corinthians 7:10 and 12 confusing when Paul writes, “not I, but the Lord” (v10) or “I, not the Lord” (v12). Essentially, he is distinguishing between places where there is known teaching from Jesus on this subject, as in Matthew 5 and 19, and where there isn’t. He certainly does not mean that there are different tiers of enscripturated revelation, or that the words of Jesus trump the words of Paul as if there were different orders of Scripture.
Paul’s approach to addressing this group is to first reference Jesus’ teaching in His earthly ministry (Matt 5:32, 19:7) . Like Jesus, Paul first upholds a high view of marriage and strongly opposed divorce without grounds (c.f. 1 Cor 7:10-11). He argues that if someone has married an unbeliever (he presumes here a married person who has converted to Christianity but their spouse has not), he shouldn’t divorce him or her as long as they are willing to stay married. This extends the earlier point – stay married (1 Cor 7:12-13). We should be clear that this are instructions for what to do if you plan to wilfully marry an unbeliever. Rather, this is a married believer who came to faith and now finds themselves asking if their new faith requires them to leave their spouse. The answer is no. Paul’s reasoning is being with an unbelieving spouse makes them holy (not automatic salvation) but through personal access to the Gospel and holy influence (1 Cor 7:14). We know that 1 Corinthians 7:14 does not mean that their family will be automatically saved by extension because 1 Corinthians 7:16 points out that no believer can even predict another’s conversion. Even in this case, divorce is not encouraged. In a day where Christian and non-Christian marriages share the same divorce rates, should not the church reflect on whether we have taken God’s word seriously? Is our value system the same as Paul’s and Jesus’?
However there is a qualifier - if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave after one comes to faith (1 Cor 7:15) let them. Don’t manipulate them into faith or shackle them in the marriage which only leads to more pain and of no meaningful good. This is realistic and practical teaching, yet anchored on a high view of marriage. This reflects the view of someone who believes that God’s gift of marriage is a good thing, which should be guarded and honoured. Like Paul, should we not be concerned for the marriages around us and commit them to the Lord in prayer? How can we pray for the marrieds in our midst with unbelieving spouses?
Interestingly enough, if that occurs in someone’s life, they return from being married to single – a reminder that regardless of our relationship status, we are to be consecrated to the Lord. Jesus comes first. This has been the key idea of this section. The priority of Christ and God’s desires must come first.
As we wrap up this first section, we often guard this area of our lives very closely because there is so much at stake, and over which we have so little control. Because the stakes feel so high, it can be so easy for our relationships to take the place of our Lord in our heart when it comes to difficult choices we need to make.
How has this section challenged you? If you were single, and are now married, howyou’re your devotion to the Lord changed? How has that partner shaped your walk with the Lord? If you’re dating and hoping to be married, will you still make Jesus your life when you do? Will your partner will do the same?
If you have a partner who is not going to draw you closer to the Lord and instead becomes an obstacle for you to prioritise the Lord, you may want to seriously rethink that relationship. Are there people in your life who can have that conversation with you? Have you authorised people to do so? To help you see when you have not placed Jesus first? In our individualism, we may have disallowed anyone to speak into our lives. Married and singles do this differently as we think that our walk with God is purely a private affair. 1 Corinthians 7 tells us that our walk with God, our spiritual purity and relational “happiness” is not merely between us and God. It is only a private affair if we block everyone from speaking into it.
(B) Immediately Jesus First: Beyond Just Circumstances (1 Cor 7:16-40)
Paul turns to address two other sub-groups, likely because of specific questions that the Corinthian church had asked about (a reminder of why this topic is so complex). But as he addresses both the betrothed and the widows let us notice the spiritual truths that undergird his reasoning and instructions to each.
The second sub-group are the betrothed (subset of singles). This refers to both female and male virgins – men “bound to a wife” and those “free from a wife” (1 Cor 7:27) which we may call dating or engaged persons today. Similarly, a “betrothed woman [who] marries” (1 Cor 7:28) is part of his address to both genders. Again, notice the sense of equity to both genders which was radically different from the context of the day. Such reciprocity is a reminder that the New Testament church leaders were establishing a different social understanding in the church. Men and women alike have value and dignity for they are made in God’s image, and they had instructions for both.
To them, Paul’s judgment is “in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is” (1 Cor 7:26). The next verse indicates that Paul finds both marriage and non-marriage as acceptable. This is not because Paul is laissez-faire on the matter with no convictions or beliefs. Rather, Paul points to the time that they are in and its priorities. Paul is mindful that “the appointed time has grown very short” (1 Cor 7:29) and “the present form of this world is passing away” (1 Cor 7:31). We are in the last days of reckoning as God works out His plans and purposes for the cosmos. Marriage and relationships are deeply meaningful, but they are not of chief importance. If you want to be single in the last days, be single. If you want to be married in the last days, get married. It’s the last days.
Finally, in 1 Corinthians 39-40 Paul addresses widows (subset of singles). Now we may not be used to thinking about this category as young people but realise this: in every marriage, one spouse will end up single again. There is no earthly marriage that goes into eternity. At death they will part. We all do well to respect, notice and treasure widows. What is the instruction for them? Since marriage binds only to the point of death, remarriage after death is certainly an option for a widow. The only qualification required is that she marry a believer (just like in earlier statements). We can infer from this, that wilful marriage to unbelievers is absolutely not an option.
Thus while Paul permits remarriage, he encourages them to consider the faith of the other! Christians should always think about marriage in the context of two believers pledging themselves, even if they are older. And just like earlier, Paul makes the concession that widows can certainly remain single for the Lord (1 Cor 7:40).
Regardless of the audience, Paul consistently encourages them to understand singleness and marriages in context of the times. Read 1 Corinthians 7:29-31 again. Marriage and even business should be understood in the larger context. Christians are to walk lightly through this world, for it will soon pass away. Our joy in this world, will at best, be fleeting. So whether we rejoice or mourn in this life, remember that the Lord is coming soon. With every passing day, we should say to ourselves, we are one day closer to meeting Him face to face. Perhaps a good daily act, though routine and repetitive would be to find ways to remind ourselves of this everyday. We could even pray the following: the Lord be with us each new day; we are one day closer to seeing the Lord; and come quickly, Lord Jesus.
In this context, Paul’s guiding principle or “rule in all the churches” stands out to us. What does Paul insist is his consistent teaching to Corinth and other churches? 1 Corinthians 7:17 is at the heart of this text, Paul’s rule is this: not to be dependent on circumstances for our godliness and joy. Christians are to live the lives assigned by the Lord (1 Cor 7:17), and remain in your condition with God (1 Cor 7:24) – in a word, contentment. Contentment is often defined as being happy with what we have. But perhaps it is more than that. Perhaps it is knowing what we have, delighting in it because we trust God’s providence to do good to us and not evil. Let each one live the life that the Lord has assigned to him.
A great challenge and saboteur to how we practice godly contentment comes from social media. Social media tells us about all the lives we could have lived and what we don’t have/what God hasn’t given us. And this fuels discontentment. Paul elaborates on what contentment looks like practically in two examples from 1 Corinthians 7:18 and 1 Corinthians 7:24. The first deals with circumcision. Those who were circumcised at the point of conversion need not reverse it. Epispasm or foreskin reconstruction was a Jewish practice to undo circumcision. This is not needed, Paul says, because the spiritualised arguments for it are meaningless. Lived obedience to God’s commands is more important than the marks of the flesh (1 Cor 7:19).
What external expressions of religion are we preoccupied with? Do we get unhappy with people who do not like our favourite preacher? Do we get unhappy with those that do not subscribe to our school of doctrine or worship according to what we think is expressive? What choice of religious expression have you imposed on someone else? Friends, what is more important is our lived obedience in the ways of the Lord.
The second example deals with being a slave at the point of conversion (1 Cor 7:21). Those who were slaves when called should not be concerned or bothered by it, meaning do not feel like you are second-class or indulge in self-pity. But there is a nuanced qualifier Paul inserts - if a Christian slave has the opportunity to regain their freedom through redemption, Paul encourages them to seek it. Why? Because those bought with a price should not become bondservants of men (v23). That said, Paul’s broader argument for contentment stems from our spiritual status in the Lord: “He who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord” (1 Cor 7:22a) and likewise, “he who was free when called is a slave of Christ” (1 Cor 7:22b). Whether you are of lowly estate or free, both set of circumstances don’t define you if you are in Christ. All are free in Christ; all are slaves in Christ.
This might not be something we commonly hear in modern preaching. We typically hear of our elevated status — “favoured”, “blessed of the Lord”, “chosen”. But see the balance in the gospel — we are freedman in Christ, we are slaves in Christ. We are free to live for Him, we are not free to do as we please. We rightly ought to be humble if we are in Christ.
If we know contentment in the Lord, we will not feel that our circumstances constrain how we pursue Christ. Those are circumstances that some of us will have, and others will not have but none of these invalidate the universal call for every single one of us to live for Him right now. Contrary to how we feel about our circumstances, which we blame for not freeing and empowering us to pursue Christ, we must immediately pur Christ first now. We must put aside our obsession with changing our circumstances in a worldly manner. Regardless of our circumstances, Jesus must be first. Now.
Thus we close with seven concluding implications from this study:
Christians should live in view of Christ’s return and cannot afford to be spiritually slack.
This is a universal statement. Today, if you know you are spiritually slack in an area of life, don’t procrastinate and resolve this with the Lord. Do not tolerate ungodly laziness or worldly complacency. It is of utmost importance that we are right with God, right now. If God comes tomorrow, we need to be ready to meet Him today.Marrieds and singles should be part of the church community integrating and involving one another in our walk.
1 Cor 7 argues that there is no such thing as a private Christian life that excludes other believers. To walk in darkness, where we cherish our own secret sin, so that no one can question and see what our divided hearts are running after is not an option for us. This side of the cross, as we live for Jesus, it means that we live in the church and in community with others. Be known to others in the church. Let others know you and know others as well. Marrieds and singles should integrate others in our mutual struggles.Help one another cultivate an attitude of contentment (avoid extremes of worldliness and asceticism in circumstances).
The life of the Christian should be simultaneously disciplined and full of joy. We should eschew asceticism. Christians are to be the people who enjoy art, music, literature, culture and sex. We should not be ashamed of these good gifts.Maintain a high yet realistic view of marriage - God’s good design in a fallen world.
It is a high bar to commit to one another in covenant relationship. But some will be married. And in this life, their marriages too will end. Some of us have a low view of marriage as we think “ok if we are” and “no big deal if we aren’t, que sera sera”. Instead, we should certainly ask God to provide a spouse if we do not have the gift of singlehood.Have a high (and honest view) of the gift of singleness based on Scripture.
This is the Bible’s most positive chapter about singlehood. It tells us of the opportunities and blessings of singlehood. But this chapter can also be abused. It is possible that God has given some of us the gift of singlehood, but some of us could be single because we cling to a unrealistic worldly view of marriage in the first place. We should be governed by what Scripture says. The gift of singlehood precludes that one has sexual desire under control and is able to offer undivided devotion to the Lord. While some have truly received this blessed gift and all its advantages, others of us are temporarily single and tempted to fall back on the idea of receiving the gift to comfort us. Instead, we should rightly wait on the Lord, pray and cultivate the kind of character and community that will help us grow towards godly marriage.Our worst-case scenario must be sin, self-centeredness and idolatry.
Regardless of marital status, we need to see that the worse case for the Christian is a life that revolves sinfully entirely around us and not the Lord.We must seek God’s wisdom and compassion when it comes to widows, divorcees, betrotheds, and those married to unbelievers.
These are subgroups that have their own considerations and require an enormous amount of care, understanding and withholding judgment. But, the expectation is also that if we are in churches, we should know people like that.
A helpful resource to more deeply help us think through singlehood is “The Single Person’s Catechism” which models a godly thinking, struggle and prayerfulness for our singlehood.
In conclusion, what has God said to you today from 1 Corinthians? What must be the disciple’s consistent Christian goal and what unique opportunities and challenges do singles and marrieds have? How might you be using your circumstances as an excuse to pursuit Christ wholeheartedly?