As we’ve been working through this series, we’ve been seeing how God has an opinion about the relationships in our lives. He has an opinion in the sense that He has a clear design for these things that serve His function, which He has designed in His wisdom. In the last of this series, we will look at the covenant of marriage, and the role of singles in God’s kingdom.
(A) The Covenant of Marriage: Wedded to God’s good design (Matt 19:1-9)
Jesus had been teaching and a large crowd had gathered. Jesus attracted the crowds because He taught with authority. His popularity resulted in the Pharisees coming to Him to test Him (Matt 19:1).
Seeking to undermine Jesus before the crowds, the Pharisees ask about the lawfulness of divorce under any circumstance. This was a point of contention because the law of Moses includes stipulations for when a “certificate of divorce” should be issued (c.f. Deut 24:1-4). Plain reading makes it clear that Deuteronomy 24:1-4 concerns a specific situation. This is a good example of case law, and it was meant for the woman’s protection. The ESV Study Bible explains,
“This is a good example of “case law,” where vv. 1–3 present the situation (“When …”) and v. 4 is the actual law (“then …”). The law forbids the first husband taking back the wife he found no favor with after she is subsequently divorced or widowed. By charging his wife with some indecency, the first husband acquired her dowry—her father’s marriage present to her—when he divorced her. Remarrying, she was given a second dowry. This example then implies that, when her second marriage ended (either through death or through more trivial grounds of divorce), she was able to keep her second dowry. The first husband is forbidden to remarry her to acquire her second dowry. This law protects the woman from exploitation by her first husband. This is the only OT law about divorce.”
Thus, we see that the law was originally intended for protection, but this had been stretched out in Jesus’ day and used as a form of permission to do what they wanted. How did Jesus respond?
Jesus said that this stipulation was given because of their hardness of hearts (Matt 19:8). The law was given to tell us what is good and true, but it also curtails sin and its effect. In Deuteronomy, as Moses repeated the law, he too, told them to circumcise the foreskins of their hearts. Readers of the law are meant to see that there is a certain hardness of heart that the law is to address. This is why the certificate of divorce was given.
God’s people were meant to see that persistent sin against God’s design would ravage families and the life of the community. But what was meant for the protection of the spouse has now been expanded into permission for the man’s freedom.
But notice how Jesus did not give the reason immediately when asked. Read Matthew 19:4. Jesus references Scripture and we notice two things. He first asks the rulers of the law, “have you not read”. There is some irony here, but we also see that this is a Jesus with a rested trust in Scripture. He begins not with His own authority and wisdom, but tells them that the answers that they seek is right there in the law, which has been revealed and preserved for them. They all had access to it.
The second thing is that He proceeds not to wise moral counsel, but emphasises the Creator-Creature distinction. All our understanding of life begins with knowing that we are creatures before our Creator. The main reason for our confusion and hardness of hearts is simply because we do not remember that we are creatures before our Creator, and He has every say over how we live. Our faith begins with the reality of God our Creator .
We can see a few things from Jesus’ response. Firstly, we see the basis for marriages in Matthew 19:4. God created two distinct and complementary genders (c.f. Gen 2:18-23). God created a woman as a helper fit for Adam and this differentiated gender is a good thing. Leonard Sax, Family Doctor and Psychologist, writes, “No amount of nurture can change the nature of our sexual differentiation; there are innate sex differences in hearing, vision, risk-taking inclinations, etc.”
Thus, there exists a world of innate sexual differences that cannot be simply reduced to a function of differentiated social conditioning. Or, as Jesus reminds us, ‘He who created them from the beginning made them male and female.’ We are to see these differences and acknowledge that God made us to be different.
If this is true, Jesus goes on to show in Matthew 19:5-6a that the implication is that God created us for covenantal communion that images godly unity in diversity (c.f. Gen 2:24). Gender is important in helping us to understand marriage. And the marriage relationship is a covenantal one, where one leaves an existing relationship (in the family) to form another with with the spouse. We are created distinct and complementary that when we come together, we might enjoy one another.
Marriage is where we experience unity in diversity, long before institutions like universities exist. This has been God’s plan. It is a profound thing for two to become one flesh, and it has been a part of God’s creation design. You only leave your hitherto most intimate relationship to cleave to one even more so; you are not one flesh with any family member, but you are one flesh with your spouse.
As a result, the outcome is that creatures are not to separate the Creator’s work (Matt 19:9). Nothing less than amputation will separate this relationship. This separation does not happen easily!
We see how Jesus really wants us to be wedded to God's good design. Think about the other reasons He could have given. The nuclear family is the bedrock of a flourishing society? Stay together for the kids? Triumph through adversity for self-improvement?
Jesus wants us to be clear that we are to stay together because it is God’s design.
We are to be clear about creation order and design. Why? Because this is for our joy and our flourishing. Throughout this study, “creator-creature” language has been stressed because this is not something that we instinctively think about when we wake up and go about our day. But we are meant to see it because the Creator is good.
In our other studies, we’ve already talked about the point of marriage. It is not just about how we find and enjoy a profound sense of intimacy with another. The coming of two distinct gendered individuals also images who Christ is with His church. Jesus stresses God’s creation design to prepare us for what the Creator would Himself do. In the context of Matthew 19, Jesus is also approaching the place of His death. Jesus’ message of leaving and cleaving would have a deeper meaning in this context. Jesus is preparing us to know what the Creator has come to do. In His act of self-giving, Christ joins us to Himself. He nourishes and cherishes us. He loved us and gave Himself up for us, that we would be sanctified, that He would make us holy and without blemish.
When we understand our Creator-creature dynamics through this lens, then we can start to see that it is a good thing for us to be wedded to our Creator’s design in all its ways, shapes, and forms.
Do you know God’s design? Have you read? There are profound things that God has designed for marriage. He did not design marriage as just a sandbox only with boundaries and everything inside is up to us to define. Rather, He designed it perhaps more like a playground, with different features and encounters for us to know and be sanctified in and through them. There are roles, and responsibilities together with characteristics that are to mark our marriages. Do you know them?
In order to be wedded to God’s design too, we have to prepare for it. Start now and develop this high view of marriage now. Look at your pattern of consumption of media and content. What does it reveal about your life? Does it reveal a mindset that says, “I desire therefore I take”? Or do you yield your desires to God? What about the authority that you display at work, even in leading in small ways? Does it reveal a heart that desires to raise itself up and pushes its ways thorugh? Or do you lay down your life to build up?
Think through these things too, for the sisters. What do you adorn yourself with? Is there a godly wisdom marked by a submission to Christ? A wonderful picture is shown in Abigail in 1 Kings 25.
For us to be satisfied by God’s design, we are to give thanks for it. Think about the marriages around you. Give thanks for your parents’ marriage if possible. Pray for them. Encourage them. Their marriage is so much more than themselves and their satisfaction. Their marriage is nothing less than God’s design, for them to image Christ.
This reminds us that marriage is no longer just about yourselves. It’s about imaging God’s good design, ultimately known in Christ’s love for His church. All of us should practicing a high view of marriage before marriage: sanctification, specific gendered commandments, and care for the marrieds in our midst. To be wedded to God’s design is to have a high view of marriage so that we are on the road to it and be found ready for it or that we might encourage one another to it.
(B) Singles in the Kingdom: Joined now to God’s eternal people (Matt 19:10-12)
The disciples heard about the difficulties of marriage, and said, perhaps it is better not to be married in the first place (Matt 19:10). Isn’t this a relatable comment? We may be tempted to think that if we find ourselves in a relationship that has lost its passion and the romance has fizzled out after 30 years, yet we are unable to make a choice to be divorced, then, it’s better not to enter it in the first place.
How did Jesus respond? He says that “not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given” (Matt 19:11) and goes on to mention eunuchs. However, there are three different categories that are mentioned in Matthew 19:12. There’s a group that is this way “from birth”, another has been made so “by men” and there’s a third — those who “have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven”.
Notice how in these descriptions, there isn’t those who are single because they are unable to find anyone attractive. Neither are there those who are single because they are focused in this season of life. And there’s no category of those who are single who want to enjoy their freedom. These are the only 3 categories for singles in the kingdom.
As we read Jesus’ words, the third category would have been a jarring category. Why would anyone chose that? Consider: God has promises to the eunuch. To say, “I am a dry tree”, as with the eunuch of Isaiah 56 is to acknowledge the absent joys of progeny. We saw last week how children are God’s way of reminding a world that He has not given up on us. Every child is a reminder that God has every intention of filling this earth with His image. The effects of the Fall and the curse has not broken God’s plan to fill this earth with His image.
The eunuch is unable to participate in God’s design in this way, and our understanding of marriage also makes clear that there is a special intimacy, now missing. There are real costs and sacrifices. Yet, God promises a dwelling within His walls: communion with Him and an everlasting name. How is this realised? This is realised now, in this time, through Jesus’ promise of brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, and children in the hundredfold (Matt 19:29). The other synoptic gospels make it clear that this refers to joys received now (c.f. Mark 10:29-30).
Is this a good thing? There is meant to be an incredible joy here! He is calling us to share in His joy. Before Isaiah 56 came about, there are these words in Isaiah 53:10-11. This is the joy that Jesus saw and was satisfied with. This is the single Man’s joy that led Him to the cross to bear our sins and the wrath from God. It was this joy that was set before Him that He endured the shame of the cross.
Who is His joy? That’s us. And where is it known. It is known in the church. This must mean that we must rethink our relationship with one another. This is why we say every week that we are not a church. IT is not because we have a disregard for institutions. Rather, we desire for all to be a part of a local church as God has designed it, so that we can experience the church as God meant for us to.
Our marriages and singleness is not about ourselves. Marriage is not about our satisfaction, and neither is singleness about our freedoms. Marrieds, image the love that Christ has for His church and the joyful submission that we have for Him. Do this for the singles around you! Singles, you are to encourage the marrieds, by reminding them that their baby isn’t the only thing that should fill their social media feed. Or their children and their problems isn’t their chief concern. There is life and life beyond their immediate problems. We are meant to encourage each other.
What would it look like for you to be wedded to God’s design in your view of marriage? What is God saying to you about your relationships in the church through this series?