In our series on love and relationships (and by extension: marriage, gender, dating, sex, singlehood, children), so far we’ve looked at:

In this study, we will be thinking on the topic of children. How should we view children? Are they inherently good or bad? Maybe a good thing to have? Or a burden to avoid? What is the purpose of children in our lives? Are they meant to bring us happiness and joy and some free cuddles maybe? You might be thinking: what does children have to do with our topics of love, relationships, marriage, singlehood, etc. Let us hope to make the connection today.

(A) Children: A Good and Precious Gift from the LORD (Ps 127:1-5)

Psalm 127 is a song of Ascents, a song of worship sung by God’s people on their way to worship God. It was written by Solomon, David’s son and king of Israel who was wise “beyond measure” (1 Kings 4:29-30).

What is the main point at the start of the psalm? The psalmist writes, “Unless the LORD builds”/”Unless the LORD watches”, “those who build”/”the watchman stays awake” in vain (Ps 127:1-2a, John 15:5). They sang of how without God’s blessing, the building and the watching is futile, fruitless, in vain and worthless. The builder will not be successful, the building will not stand. The watchman will not be successful, the city will not be safe.

What else is in vain? They are described as those who rise up early and to go late to rest (Ps 127:2). Apart from God, our hard work and toil is also in vain. It will not bear the fruit that is intended, and instead, it will only bring anxiousness and anxiety in our toiling. 

These verses are helping us to see how we can do nothing apart from God. This is similar to what Jesus Himself said in John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

What does this tell us about our work and life? The last part of Psalm 127:2 tells us that God gives sleep to those he loves (Ps 127:2b). Sleep and rest are part of God’s will for us! We were never meant to be eating the bread of anxious toil and certainly not meant for 100-hour work weeks. Sleep and rest are humbling because it shows us that we are not invincible and invulnerable. We have to rest at some point. 

Note that this does not mean laziness and not working at all. We have already seen how the builder has to build; the watchman has to stay awake to watch. It means that Christians are no less hardworking and diligent just because of our faith in God (1 Cor 15:10). We are meant to work hard in faith, trusting God to bring fruit, and make the work successful. God alone can make our work successful and fruitful. He makes things successful. 

We can therefore be bold and confident in the good works that God has called us to knowing that we are utterly dependent on him for the decisive outcome of anything we do. Our God is not passive, but is working even as we are. How often are we practical atheists in our work and labours? How have we thought that our performance and our output at work is all about our skills/abilities, our cleverness, our diligence, etc? Are we driven by fear and anxiety as we work? Do we know that God is working even as we are? Do we depend on God to work in and through us? Do we care to see God’s work in our lives?

Psalm 127 is clear to tell us that it is wrong to eat the bread of anxious toil, overworking in burdensome labour. One of the ways that we could work in vain, is then never resting from work. As we work, our burden is lifted as we know that God is the decisive difference maker. This applies to our work in the marketplace and in our ministries. 

As we read on, how can we make sense of the link between Psalm 127:1-3 and Psalm 127:3? Just as we are not decisive in our labour and work, we cannot have children apart from God. 

What does this psalm call children? Children are a heritage, a possession or inheritance from the LORD  (Psalm 127:3). They are viewed as the fruit of the womb and a reward, a gift from God. Parenting is a privilege that comes from God. Yet this does not eliminate human activity: couples still need to do something to bring about children, and this is not just sexual union, but mothers carry their children for 9 full months before having to give birth to them. But none of this business of having children can happen apart from God. We will think more about parenting in the second passage of tonight but here even, the bringing up of our children, the fruit of our labour is completely dependent on God.

This challenges what modern family planning thinks and tells us. It teaches us and gives us the idea that we can plan exactly when we want to have children. It makes us believe that we are in the driving seat with regards to children when we actually are utterly reliant on God to give and to reward us with children.

What is the metaphor that the psalmist uses to describe children? The metaphor here is one of a warrior armed with a bow and arrow (Psalm 127:4-5). Children are “like the arrows in the hand of a warrior”, “…who fills his quiver with them”. Children are a blessing and an inherent good. This is a picture of a happy man. 

Those who have children will not be put to shame or embarrassed by their enemies at the gate. This is a picture of a man with many children of his youth (now grown up) who stands at the gate (combined town hall and courthouse, much like our city hall) where disputes are settled, and justice administered (c.f. 2 Sam 15:2 if needed). Therefore, this man is not intimidated or ashamed as he stands at the gate against his enemies and accusers. His children are the arrows behind him in his quiver

The psalmist’s description possibly stands in contrast with what modern culture thinks about children. How do we view children today? Children are often seen as a burden or liability that slows us down in our other life goals or dreams. Our culture seeks to run away from the sacrifices involved in parenting. There are many who say that children are inconvenient, filthy, noisy, expensive, etc. They are a huge financial responsibility, apparently costing 280k to 560k to raise a child in Singapore through university. At the workplace, we may have met those who have had to make sacrifices at the workplace to deal with family emergencies and this could place them in a bad light with their bosses or colleagues. Outside, people with misbehaving kids are seen as bad parents. 

On top of that, people with many kids get strange looks and weird stares: we even make memes of large families; we think to ourselves: “could they not have planned better?” Some in church would even complain about kids being distracting in service and hence discourage their presence. Why not just enjoy life or married life without kids? Even for those of us who do who like children, we take a cost-benefit approach to thinking about children: “kids are so tiring, but they are worth it”, “that smile is so precious”, etc.

Thinking this way about children expose our selfish worldliness. But see what the Bible says about children. We see how children are a part of God’s good design (Gen 1:26-28, Gen 9:1,7). God commanded Adam Eve to “be fruitful and multiply”. Having children is part of God’s design in creation. It is the means by which God fills the earth with his people and image bearers. Even after the fall and the flood, God calls Noah and his sons to do the same: be fruitful and multiply.

The Bible is overwhelmingly positive in speaking about children: children are a gift, a blessing, and a part of God’s good design. We should be a people who treasure children and it is good and right that our love, relationships and marriages lead to the blessing of having children. 

(B) Children: Making Disciples of Christ in Every Household and Beyond (Ephesians 6:1-4)

We move to the New Testament, to see what else is being said about children. A command for children is given in Ephesians 6:1-3. Children are called to obey your parents in the Lord (Eph 6:1a) and to honour their father and mother (Eph 6:2). To obey is to listen to them, do what they tell you to do, submit to their authority. This is addressed to parents — both father and mother are giving guidance, instructions, teaching, modelling, etc. Notice how this obedience is in the Lord. It is related to the Lord, based on their faith and trust in Jesus (c.f. Eph 2:8-10). There is a limitation to obedience in Acts 5:29. This obedience to parents is not contrary to our obedience to God. 

This obedience is part of our honouring of our parents (c.f. Exo 20:12). This is the first and only commandment with a promise attached as a reward. The parent-child relationship is the first relationship in each of our lives. We see how important it is to God to honour parents. The Old Testament law had severe punishment for a child who strikes his or her parents (Exo 21;15, 17). Paul lists disobedience to parents alongside grave sins (Rom 1:29-31). 

What is the reason given for doing so in Ephesians 6:1b,2b-3)? Paul writes, “For this is right”. It is fitting and it is God’s design. It is the way things work best. God decides what is fitting and right. 

There is also a promise — “That it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Eph 6:3). Go well with you: blessing and favour. Live long in the land: in the promised land that God has promised to bring Israel into. There is a blessing and reward for those who honour their parents. This is not just a material blessing, or a general blessing and we get all the stuff we want. Today, this may not be a land we are getting (even though that could be a very enticing reward in land scarce Singapore), but eternal life with God. Our reward for honouring and obeying our parents today is pleasing to God and shows our faith and trust in Christ. 

Ephesians 6:4 also writes about how parents are meant to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, to show them God. That is the great blessing that children will receive in honouring and obeying their parents: they will know and love God.

As we read this, we need to consider, how do we honour our parents today? Do we give them the respect due to them as older children? Have we lost our patience with them? Have we forgotten how they were patient with us? 

Paul also tells us what fathers are not to do in Ephesians 6:4. Notice how it is addressed to fathers rather than parents. Now, it is not that mothers have no responsibility as we saw earlier that they are to be obeyed, Furthermore, in 2 Timothy 1:5, 3:14, we read of the role that Timothy’s grandmother and mother play in his sincere faith. We see in Ephesians that fathers have a leading role to play in their children’s lives and in their household. This is natural continuation of the husband leading the wife (Eph 5:23, 25). Fathers are not just meant to make a living while playing no role in the home with their children.

Fathers are not to provoke their children to anger (c.f. “discouraged” in Col 3:21). Practically, this could mean not to poke them, irritate, make fun, trick, deceive, bully or unreasonably blame them. They are also not to throw their own anger and temper at them, exercise verbal put downs or to mete out excessive punishments. Fathers are to also avoid hypocrisy and not to do things that will provoke anger. There is a way of parenting that increases rebellion in children. It does not mean that you must always give them what they want so that they will not be angry.

And we are not left imagining what a father is to do. Psalms 103:13-14 gives us a picture of God as our Father. God knows us His children. He knows our limitations, we are dust. God is compassionate to us knowing our frame and limitations. How can we not be compassionate to our children? Sometimes I forget that for children, everything is new, everything has to be learnt. How wonderful it is that God is so patient with us and always so wise.

Instead, parents are to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4b, Deut 6:6-9).  Specifically, they are called to bring them up in the discipline of the Lord, to train them in life to live a life pleasing God and glorifying Him. Parenting in Ephesians is always “of the Lord”. Fathers are not just bringing up their kids to be well-behaved, have good manners, good social etiquette, have a happy childhood, etc.

Thus, we see here that the instruction of the Lord is a warning, rebuke, admonish. It is the correction that a father does for things which displeases God, i.e. a response to sin. The discipline and instruction given by the father is one of discipleship so that children may come to know and love Christ as Saviour and Treasure.

Therefore, you see that children in every Christian household are meant to be discipled that they may know Christ and His love for us. The fundamental task of parenting is to show God to the children (c.f. Deut 6:6-9). 

This is a huge responsibility and a difficult task, and that is why parenting is also not meant to be done alone. My church is not one that practises child baptism, but we do have family dedication where parents and the church body commit to discipling the children that God has given us the privilege of bringing up. If you are in a church with families and children, remember that you have a role to play as well. Offer practical help in baby-sitting or running errands for busy parents. You can also try to meet parents at their convenience. Consider serving in children’s ministry or in the nursery in your church. And when you see families, you can try not to discourage parents who are having a hard time with their kids. Pray for the parents and the children in your church. 

We’ve spoken a lot about parents, but what role do children play in the larger Bible storyline? Children play a crucial role in the covenant blessing and salvation of Israel. This was outlined in the Old Testament. The promise of the seed of the woman who will bruise the head of the offspring of the serpent was given already in Genesis (Gen 3:15). God also made a covenant with Abraham to make him a great nation, through him all the families of the earth shall be blessed (Gen 12:2-3). God made a promise to David to make him a house and to establish his offspring (2 Sam 7:11-12). 

Today, we do not enter God’s kingdom by being part of a particular nation but by our faith (Gal 3:7-9). We trust in Christ who is the offspring of the woman who will save us from our sin. Even as not all of us will be natural parents, we are called to make disciples of all nations (c.f. Matt 28:19). We can become spiritual fathers and mothers by sharing the gospel and discipling those around us (c.f. 1 Cor 4:14-15). 

What do children have to teach us about our faith? Jesus taught in Mark 10:13-16 about how we must come to faith in Christ. We come to Christ like a child, “for to such belongs the kingdom of God”. Children model for us how we come to God: needy, desperate, helpless, reliant, utterly dependent on Him to be gracious. Children are a picture of how we receive Christ. 

In this study, we saw from Psalm 127 that we are utterly reliant on God for everything and this extends to having children and parenting them. Children are a precious gift from the LORD and a great blessing that flows from our marriages. They are to be treasured, and discipled in our homes and churches that they may come to know Christ

As we close, perhaps we need to pause and reflect. How do you view children? How does your view compare with what the Bible says?What does God call us to do for the children in our churches, and how can we serve them and learn from them?